When I say "girl bullying" I am referring to the mental torture that girls seem to inflict on each other. You typically think of bullying as a physical act usually perpetrated by boys, but isn't the meanness that girls partake in just as much a form of bullying? Which of you can't remember a time that you were singled out as a child and made fun of, picked on, or were just deliberately left out or ignored? I can remember 3rd grade, and even high school being torture for me. I can already see my daughter experiencing touches of this, mostly from some of her closest friends. Friends that she loves, and I am certain love her back. They are a tight group of about 5 girls, but often seperate into groups and fight amongst themselves. Girls seem to randomly pick someone to make fun or pick on that day. My question is why? Why do we allow them to act this way towards each other. Why don't we do something to stop it? Can it be stopped?
I once heard a really heartbreaking story from a friend about a child that left the middle school that her children attend (a Christian school!). She heard about the child leaving, and was so shocked that she called the child's mother. The mother told her how the other kids were always picking on and making fun of her son. He was so miserable that they decided to pull him out. My friend was appalled, not only that this was going on at the school her kids attend, but that she had no idea that it was happening. She asked her kids if they knew about it (they are only 1 year apart) and both of them did, but denied participating in the bullying. She then asked a very important question, "Did you ever stand up for him?". Both of her children responded no. She was horrified! She told me, "I knew I needed to teach my kids not to bully, and I knew that I needed to prepare them in case they were the target of bullying. It never occurred to me to teach them what to do if someone else is being bullied."
So back to my question. How do we make this stop. Anyone who has been singled out and made fun of can attest to the fact that it is just as traumatic and humiliating as being physically bullied. I hear the phrase all the time "girls are mean". It's like we have just accepted that that is how it is. But does it have to be? Do you teach your kids that teasing and making fun of, or deliberately ignoring another child is every bit as much bullying as the physical variety?
Do you teach your kids what to do if another child is being bullied?
I am really interested in what other parents think and do about this.
In most cases, the parents of the child doing the bullying are clueless as to what is going on. They do not teach their child to NOT behave in this manner because they are unaware that it's even happening. And if it's brought to their attention, their response is typically "my child would never do that" because the parents are simply clueless and do not pay enough attention to their child to even know what their character is like. And if the hurt child tells a teacher, they are told to suck it up, and that's even more fuel for the bully's to use.
ReplyDeleteAs for standing up for another child, unfortunately that is not something you can teach your child. Why? Because if they do, that child is usually the one who ends up getting in trouble. I speak from experience. They are then considered to be in the middle of it, and end up accused of being involved in and part of the incident. And god forbid they tell a teacher what is going in. Because then they are told to mind their own business. And once again that becomes fuel for a bully to pick on them. It's an unfortunate non-win situation all around. And without the proper supervision, will continue. And this behavior is not usually seen at home (often) therefore the parents are clueless. And the teachers can not be counted on to properly supervise children at school. And so the vicious cycle continues. But if parents would be more proactive in teaching their children what NOT to do then maybe it wouldn't be as much of an issue as it is.
My child has been the recipient of emotional bullying by this group of 5 children (among others) on a regular basis (close to daily). And because others see it happening, they think it's funny. And because teachers do nothing about it, others do it too. These children are learning by example. One child starts it, no adult stops it, so they then all think it's ok and it continues and gets worse until the child being tormented has completely lost all of their self confidence. No 7 year old should be an unhappy child or depressed. And in the case of several of these children, I have witnessed identical behavior in their parents. So you have to ask yourselves exactly where children this young are learning this behavior.
ReplyDeleteWe are in the same situation. I work part time, and It is really a shame that the ultimate solution is that we will probably have to move to a different school. This is extremely frustrating because with the added financial burden, I may have to change my lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteSame here. Public school is not an option, we did nit get into the school of our choice for next year, and we cannot financially afford the other two schools we would consider. So we are forced to stay here and continue to subject our child to more of this behavior next year.
ReplyDeleteWhile very valid, I'd choose not to argue those points condemning bullying, regardless of the form it takes and to whom it is directed. I would never downplay the seriousness of the issue, especially in light of tragic incidences across the country over the past few years, but I think that bullying can also serve as a catalyst for positive change.
ReplyDeleteIf you are lucky enough to be made aware of the situation, why not use it as a way to reinforce the value of self and to teach your daughter to stay strong and resolute in the fact that she is worth more than that?
I can speak from experience on the receiving end, that you cannot bully a child who refuses to be bullied and I am determined to do my best to teach all of my children to resist many of the temptations that go along with finding your place among your peers. It is never acceptable to tease, taunt, or treat anyone without respect and my husband and I fully expect our children to take up for themselves or anyone else being bullied - playing the victim is neither an option nor is it any way for our children to make the mark on the world that God intended for them.
Beautiful comments Lauren! Please tell me though, how do you teach your child how to refuse to be bullied? So many kids could benefit from being armed with the information on what to do when being bullied. I read in a book, interestingly, that when they polled a class of students (I don't remember how many kids) that the child that they liked the least in the class was the bully. The child that they liked second least was the child being bullied. The conclusion was that the bullying made the children so uncomfortable that they just wanted it to stop, and that was reflected in a dislike of the child being bullied. How sad...
ReplyDelete