To work or not???

The question that haunts most moms! I absolutely do NOT want to work. I want to be a stay at home mom. But there's my pesky spending habit! And I want to be able to afford to do fun things and vacations and such. Not to mention private school! So part time seems the perfect compromise right? Except it feels impossible to find the right one. I am picky. I won't lie. I have been a nurse for almost 14 years. I'm not working the crap jobs. I did that and served my time. Then there's this whole "disease" thing. It feels like I am trained in a job that I can't function in physically. Crap. My husband totally doesn't get it! To him it's a choice to work or stay home. He doesn't get it that it is a pull/need. I am supposed to be with my kids. That I am certain of. I am supposed to be there when they have something going on at school. I am supposed to have a healthy meal for them in the evening. I am supposed to be the one who gets them off the bus and does homework with them! Even if all these things sometimes drives me to drink or eat excessive chocolate! I AM THE MOMMY!!!!! It is not just what I want. It is who I am.